Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
