three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
