i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
