Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
