If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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