I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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