I'm lost and stupid without you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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