did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
