Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
