Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
