alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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