i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
last night I used snow as a chaser
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
