Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
