I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
