I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
