If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
