I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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