someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
