When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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