I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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