dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So squirting runs in the family.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
