well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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