Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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