is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
