So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
