i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
