I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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