Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
