Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
