what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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