one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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