I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
