I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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