She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it's like iHOP with fire
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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