went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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