Whatcha textin bout Willis?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
