so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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