I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you didnt know i had herpes?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
