Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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