discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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