you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We left the knife in your bed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
