he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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