Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
