; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
