since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
