I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
