Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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