tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
