as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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