honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
