Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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