I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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