my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
