I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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