Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
