sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
