I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
