i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
