Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How's work?
Spinning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
