He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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