I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
