Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she smelled like a LAN party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
