Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You can't special order awesome
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
