just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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