you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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