he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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