Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
