my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The adults are the big ones right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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